Personal Attention by Jaesha

ReviewsRating: NC-17

Summary: After Spike Giles' wife leaves him for another man he falls into despair. Will Buffy be able to save him before he destroys himself?

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Chapter 12: Quiet Admissions

Spike closed the door after the room service waiter and turned to face Buffy and the mountain of food they had ordered.

“Maybe we should invite the guys over here to help eat all this,” Buffy suggested, lifting the cover on one of the plates.

No, he didn’t want them over. He didn’t want to share. Finally alone, all he wanted was to have Buffy to himself without having to share her attention with anyone else.

When Oz had started teaching Buffy how to play his guitar, Spike’s first reaction was dark green jealousy. It was a stupid emotion that had really no basis to it. Out of all of his bandmates, Oz was the least likely to try anything with Buffy. Hell, he’d sooner believe Anya was hitting on Buffy than Oz.

It took him a while, but Spike had finally calmed the envy monster within him. He didn’t like watching her with other men even if it was nothing more than a friendly conversation.

But from Oz he had nothing to fear. When he was with Dru, he and Oz were the only two members of the Dingoes that were in committed relationships. It was nice having another guy around who wasn’t pressuring him to sleep with his fans like Oliver and Xander had. In fact, some of his best times were hanging out with Oz and talking about their women.

Oz and his girlfriend Willow had been together since high school and even though they were very dedicated to one another, neither of them wanted to get married. Spike supposed it was a smart move. Most marriages were ending in divorce these days and if Oz was comfortable with the arrangement he and Willow had, there wasn’t a point in fixing that which wasn’t broken.

He only wished he could find that type of relationship. For a long time, he thought he’d had that with Dru, but now that he was on the outside looking in he knew that it had never been that way. Total trust and loyalty were not things that Dru excelled in.

“I think we’ll be able t’ eat this ourselves,” Spike replied when he found Buffy still waiting for him to respond.

“Spike, a whole army couldn’t eat all this. We should just invite them over because I’m sure they are as hungry as we are.”

Spike shook his head. She wasn’t going to let this go, but he wasn’t going to concede either. “Luv, I’ve just spent six and half hours with those blokes, I don’t really feel like havin’ them over.”

“You’ve spent longer than six hours cramped on that bus with them before and you didn’t have this problem,” she replied, her brow furrowed.

“It’s different now.”

It was very different now. The tension was tight between them where as before it had been all fun and games. He had let them down and while none of them seemed to want to talk about it, it was quite obvious that they were angry with him. Not that he blamed them.

Buffy didn’t press for more information nor did she mention inviting over the others again. Soon, they were eating in an uncomfortable silence that Spike had come to recognize and loathe at the same time.

“So what happens tomorrow?” Buffy asked after taking a drink of her iced tea.

“Well, we usually do our sound check in the morning and then once we’ve got everything set up, we can go sight seein’ a bit. On some of the bigger venues we have t’ do promotional stuff for radio stations, but this one is small enough that we don’t have anything scheduled.”

They were playing at the House of Blues rather than Mandalay’s huge auditorium and Spike was grateful they were starting off slow. He hadn’t been on the road for months now and honestly, he was a little nervous to get back on stage.

She was staring down at her plate with a frown.

“What’s wrong, pet?”

With a sigh, she replied, “I’m useless.”

“What are you talkin’ about? You’re not useless,” Spike told her, a little confused at the turn in conversation.

“Yes, I am.” She looked up at him, her green eyes full of direct honesty. “I am supposed to be your personal assistant and I’m doing nothing to personally assist you. I have no idea how this whole tour thing works and Anya seems to be doing all of the work. Why am I even here?”

Okay, so explaining why she was really there with him was going to be tricky. He needed her there to keep him together, knowing full well that she wouldn’t let him just throw his hands up and give up like he wanted to some days. That was the real reason. But that wasn’t very comparable to her job description, at least not the one she had made up for herself, and telling her that she was just there for moral support probably wasn’t very conducive to her worries.

“The tour has just gotten started, luv, wasn’t much t’ assist me with,” he said, and then paused before his eyebrows went up. “Hey, you got me t’ the bus on time. That’s a feat in itself since you know I’m never on time for anything.”

“Yeah, I guess…”

“Look, I’ll tell you what. I’ll have Anya give you the schedule and you can be in charge of makin’ sure I’m where I’m supposed t’ be.” He grinned. “Besides, I’d rather have you crackin’ the whip on me than her.”


The image of her standing in a black leather bustier and thigh-high boots, whipping Spike’s naked ass as he was strung up spread-eagle, had her shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

Wow! Where the hell had that come from?

Maybe it was all of the testosterone she had been exposed to earlier that was making her have extremely naughty thoughts. Thoughts that included taking Spike up on his offer to play with the Jacuzzi tub. Or rather in the Jacuzzi tub preferably while they were both naked.

“Is that okay, Buffy?”

His voice slapped her back into reality. “Oh, yeah. That would be great.”

He tilted his head and gave her a thoughtful look. “What’s goin’ through that head of yours, kitten?”

“Nothing,” she said a bit too quick to be believable.

“Riiight. You were thinkin’ something. I could see it on your face,” he replied.

Time to think fast, Buffy.

“Uh, I was thinking about…uh, Oliver?” Way to go, dork!

Spike didn’t seem terribly happy about her response. “What about ‘im?”

“Well, is he always such an asshole?”

That appeared to make Spike calm down a little. What did he think she was going to say?

“Not usually, no. He was acting really strange today,” Spike told her.

“Speaking of strange, why were you guys fighting?” She had been meaning to ask, but hadn’t found the right time.

“He wanted to talk and I didn’t,” he responded cryptically.

She wondered if they were fighting about Dru. Maybe Oliver had wanted to talk about her but Spike didn’t want to. That made a lot of sense since Spike never wanted to talk about Dru and if Oliver pushed him enough, Spike might’ve gotten angry.

“Maybe you should talk about her. It might help.”

“Huh? Talk about who?”


His eyebrows went up. “Not much t’ talk about that you don’t already know, luv.”

“I don’t know it all. I mean, not from your side, I don’t.”

“She talked about me with you?”

Stupid Buffy! She really didn’t want to tell him the kinds of things Dru had said about him. It was too embarrassing not only for him but for her to say as well.

“Well, yeah, a little.”

“What did she say?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know, Spike. I really don’t feel right about telling you.”

A solemn expression darkened his features and he looked up at her through his eyelashes. “Did you know she was going t’ leave me?”

“No! I swear, I didn’t,” Buffy said, hoping he believed her. “As far as I knew, she was going to try and make it work with you.”

“So you knew about the others, then. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, I mean, you went everywhere with her.”

God, why did she have to bring up Dru? Maybe it had been a good thing that he never wanted to talk about her. He had seemed much happier ignoring his feelings about Dru.


His head moved from side to side very slowly, his gaze attached to his boots. “Everyone fuckin’ knew, didn’t they? I was a soddin’ joke t’ the lot of them. Oh, poor little Spike, can’t keep his woman from lookin’ elsewhere. Must be a sad piece o’ work that one.

“I tried, you know. I tried t’ make ‘er happy, but she was always fightin’ me. I gave ‘er everything I had an’ it wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough.”

He was breaking her heart and when he began to sob softly, she wanted to cry too.

Standing up, she walked around to his chair and sat down on the armrest of it, her arm wrapping around his shaking shoulders. She stroked his blond curls and kissed the top of his head, watching as his arms circled her waist and he buried his face in her breasts.

He was such a broken man.

Slowly, she let herself slide down into the chair so that she was straddling his lap. It was wrong and she kept trying to remind herself that she wasn’t supposed to be this close to him, but when she tilted his chin up and looked into stormy blue eyes, she couldn’t stop herself.

Leaning down, she took his lower lip into her mouth and suckled on it. Her hand came up to caress his cheek, her thumb brushing the corner of his mouth as she let her tongue come out to sweep across his lips.

He was clinging to her, his hands grabbing handfuls of her shirt. A needful moan escaped him and her tongue dove into his mouth. He tasted so good and so purely male that she almost forgot all about making him feel better and more about how good he was making her feel.

“I need t’ touch you, baby. Please,” he moaned into her mouth, his hands sliding under her shirt to stroke her smooth back.

She knew that she should stop, that if they went any further there would be nothing but problems. But when he pleaded with her again to let him touch her, she threw caution to the wind and leaned back.

“Okay,” she told him breathlessly.

His eyes were midnight blue with lust and he let his hand wander from her back to her breast, cupping it and letting its weight rest in his palm. A breath caught in his lungs as he stared up at her in awe.

Her eyes closed at the sensation of his hands on her, his fingers coming to pinch her nipples slightly. The wetness between her legs began to pool as he moved to take her t-shirt off.

“So beautiful,” he whispered as his hands once more found her breasts.

He leaned forward and she could feel his hot breath on her. His tongue came out to lash against one lace-covered nipple and Buffy threw her head back. God, she had always wondered about what he could do with that tongue of his and now she was beginning to get an idea of just how talented he was.

His mouth covered her breast, soaking the material of her bra. She felt her hips start to move on their own volition against his straining erection. The friction it caused only sent more shockwaves through her body as he continued to make love to her breasts.

“Spike!” She cried as his own hips lifted to increase the pressure between them, grinding himself upward into her hot, wet denim-covered center.

The strap of her bra slipped down her shoulder and Spike used it as an opportunity to move the cup of lace out of his way so that she was bare to him. His hot tongue wrapped itself around the little pink nub and he sucked on it making it harden to the point of delicious pain.

A hand slid down her side and down to the front of her jeans to rest against her throbbing pussy. He grabbed her, the heel of his hand pressing down hard on her clit, and Buffy saw stars as her orgasm hit her with the force of a Mack truck slamming into a brick wall at high speed.

“Ahhhh!” She wailed, her hips continuing to move against him as she rode wave after wave of her completion.

He was breathing hard against her shoulder as he held her tightly while she came down from her orgasm. “So fucking beautiful,” he panted out.

Looking up into his eyes, she realized with a start that he was completely gone, lost in the lust that was consuming him. She didn’t think she had ever seen a man so aroused before.

Now that her sanity had returned, she knew she should stop before the got to the actual deed. But she couldn’t leave him like this either. His muscles were tight from the strain of his arousal and he looked like he was in pain.

That was why when she got off of his lap and kneeled before him, she effectively shut off her nagging internal voice. It would be cruel and unusual punishment to leave him without release especially after he had given her so much pleasure, right?

She reached up behind his knees and pulled him closer to her, then let her hand drift upwards to his belt buckle.


Spike was gone. There was nothing left in his head but Buffy and the way she had looked as he made her come.

He felt feverous, cold shivers running up and down his body as his skin burned.

There was still enough blood left in his brain to realize Buffy was moving off of him and tugging at his belt. Oh, god, he needed her so bad. He lifted his hips at her gentle pulling at his waistband and watched in a passion-drunk haze as she yanked his jeans down to his knees.

“Well, hello,” she said saucily as her eyebrow arched upwards.

At her complete mercy, Spike could only watch as her hands dragged themselves up his thighs, her fingernails scratching his skin. A fingertip made the slow and very torturous path from the base of his cock all the way up to the tip, swirling around in the clear liquid that had managed to escape.

He gave a strangled cry as her hand came to curl around him and start to move in leisurely strokes up and down his hard length.

“Do you like that?” Buffy asked in a deep sex-kitten purr.

His eyes squeezed shut as she moved quicker then cupped his balls with her other hand. “Unh, yes. God, yes!” He replied through his teeth, his jaw clenching tightly.

Her hand started to slow and Spike wanted to protest, but before he could say anything he felt the warm, wet cavern of her mouth around him. Her tongue pressed against the underside of his shaft, licking back and forth rapidly.

“Fuck!” He growled as he suddenly shot his seed into her mouth without warning. His hips jerked wildly as his hand held the back of her head in place, emptying himself down her throat.

It wasn’t until he came to that he realized what he’d done. He looked down at Buffy kneeling before him. Her hand was covering her mouth as if she was surprised, but Spike noted that she didn’t look angry like he had thought she might be.

Dru hadn’t liked going down on him so he’d been without for a couple years now. When he had felt Buffy’s mouth on him, he’d lost it. Knowing she didn’t really like surprises, Spike thought for sure that she would be furious ‘cause that was some surprise he had just given her.

“I’m sorry, luv. I would’ve warned you if-”

“No. No, its okay,” she told him, her fingertips still touching her lips. “You just surprised me, is all.”

“You’re not angry?”

She shook her head, biting her lower lip.

Taking that as a sign, he grinned. He leaned forward and captured her lips with his, tasting himself on her mouth. His tongue sought entrance to her mouth and in a move that had him soaring, Buffy sucked it into her mouth, teasing him with the tip of her own.

“God, luv,” he breathed out as his forehead came to rest against hers. “You are bloody fantastic, you know.”

She didn’t say anything and Spike started to panic a little. He didn’t think he could handle it if she rejected him again. Not after what they shared. For her to tell him it meant nothing…

He took a sharp breath. “Please don’t tell me that you are gonna ignore this. Don’t tell me it didn’t mean anything, Buffy.”

Her forest-deep eyes stared up at him, wide with candor. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

The stupid romanticized part of him was jumping for joy when he heard her admission. However, the man who was no longer a na´ve little boy knew that there was more to it.

“I’m sensing a ‘but’ there, luv.”

A deep breath filled her lungs and she nodded. “But we need to take it slow. I-” Her voice cut off as she tried to capture the thought that was eluding her. “It’s been a long time for me and you are still trying to work through your feelings about Dru. I don’t think we should rush into this.”

She was right. Today had been proof that he wasn’t over the hurt Dru had caused him and he knew her well enough to believe that she hadn’t been with anyone in a long time. Of course, he didn’t give a damn about waiting. He wanted her now, every single inch of her beautiful mind, body, and soul.

But he would do as she requested. She was giving him a chance and if he had to wait in order to finally have her, he would do it.

“Okay, pet. We’ll do it your way.”

A/N: Well…? What’d you all think?


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